As a leader, one needs to guide each member to constant improvement. This obviously involves giving feedback. Nevertheless, the feedback isn’t a one-way street. It’s a dialogue where you need a receptive person. What happens, though, when that person is defensive?
Understanding the Defensive Mindset
First, one needs to understand whether a defensive employee lacks a desire to excel. The friction to feedback often stems from previous experiences. It might be fear of failure or immediate consequences. There are a few tactics we can employ.
Two-Way Conversation
Feedback should be a conversation. Get genuinely curious about their perspective. You might discover that their defensive posture is a shield against vulnerability or misunderstanding. By showing that you value their opinion, you create a space where feedback is not a monologue but a dialogue.
Choosing Your Words Wisely
Language is a powerful tool. It can either build or destroy bridges. Be neutral. Construct your feedback based on facts. I know it’s hard but that’s why you should note down instances of feedback requiring situations.
Modeling Receptiveness
If you actively seek feedback yourself and accept it gracefully, you demonstrate the value of a learning mindset. Inquire honestly, “How might I be contributing to this problem?” Your vulnerability paves the way for others to follow suit. You might also discover angles you didn’t think of before.
Patience is Key
At times, the resistance to feedback can be rooted in personal delusions. Here, patience is your ally. You need to gradually guide them towards self-awareness and critical thinking.
The Unspoken Truth
Sometimes, the issue is not the feedback but the source. Reflect on this: it might not be about their receptiveness but their receptiveness to you. Relationships and dynamics play a significant role in how feedback is received. You might explore options to deliver the same feedback from someone else.
A Practical 3-Step Strategy
Let’s simplify our approach with a three-step strategy:
- Start with a Compliment: Genuine appreciation opens the door to a more receptive mindset.
- Show What Good Looks Like: Provide clear, constructive examples—preferably their own work when it was at its best.
- End on a High Note: A positive conclusion anchors the conversation to growth and improvement, not criticism.
Choosing Your Battles
Sometimes, the best response to witnessing ineffective behavior or decisions is to smile, grit your teeth, and walk away. Not every battle is worth fighting, and not every moment is teachable. Recognize when to step in and when to allow natural consequences to be the teacher.
As leaders, we walk the fine line between encouragement and correction. Our goal is not to mold employees in our image but to help them carve out their own best version. The art of feedback, when done right, isn’t just about improving performance—it’s about nurturing potential.